I'm a..? What amI now....does it even matter?I don't care, I'm going there with him, you only live once one life tolive, and all that, and well, it turns me on. Go away, shameful feelingsand guilt over stuff I have no control over. I'm a good person I know Iam...and It turns me on, and him too, and after all those years ofpurging and shame I met someone special who..oh FUCKK!!!!...shut up!!! Iyelled at myself...and told myself to breathe and enjoy it, stopworrying, only joy together with him so far...all the worry is in me,it's not him, it's in me....My long walks were sometimes more confusing than enlightening, but theyalways made me feel better, and calmer eventually, and more willing tojust go.One step in front of another, trisha, down the path of submission to him.Now, I could feel a lightness inside me, a lifting of clouds, ofpessimism, of darkness and weight, as I decided, one small step at attime, to be free, just let it go, the shame and moralizing andberating.....and my. From that, he ‘forced’ his way into an ‘advisory/paid informant’ position of an evil group called ‘The Co-op’. Chen and Tsau Ni were playing a game of ‘good cop/bad cop’ and forcing them to donate vast sums of money into Tsau Ni’s off-shore accounts.We’re talking billions! Yeah, with a ‘B’.The last thing I planned on doing before I killed him would be to relieve him of his little black book where he kept all of his account numbers and passwords. Unlike Viktor, Tsau Ni didn’t trust his memory enough to not write down all of his information. Succumbing to his sister’s arrogance, she’d convinced him to put all that into her ‘Recipe’ Book! Who would ever think to steal a recipe book!?Me! That’s who.Especially when all this money came from other evil motherfuckers. Unlike Viktor, who used his little ‘Armies’, Tsau Ni used his Mind Control to extort money from other ‘crime bosses’. I was building up quite a bit of information that I’d later need my Family to help me with. If, that is, if.
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